Falling in Love with Grace

February is nearly upon us, stores are filling quickly with paper hearts, chocolates and deep red wine. Valentines is near and love is in the air. I read a blog the other day that made me think and reflect on love, in fact it made me think about love that is bought. This article makes in interesting point and one that had not been new to me, but one that I had a hard time putting into words, that is, until now. The writer of this blog, Dr Ryser, speaks of a class he was teaching to young seminary students, he gives them a brief history of the evolution of Christianity in the places it has traveled, he says this:

It is a short version of the history of Christianity, and it goes like this: Christianity started in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it came to America and became an enterprise.

Some of the students were only 18 or 19 years old--barely out of diapers--and I wanted them to understand and appreciate the import of the last line, so I clarified it by adding, “An enterprise. That’s a business.” After a few moments Martha, the youngest student in the class, raised her hand. I could not imagine what her question might be. I thought the little vignette was self-explanatory, and that I had performed it brilliantly. Nevertheless, I acknowledged Martha’s raised hand, “Yes, Martha.” She asked such a simple question, “A business? But isn’t it supposed to be a body?” I could not envision where this line of questioning was going, and the only response I could think of was, “Yes.” She continued, “But when a body becomes a business, isn’t that a prostitute?”

Dr. Ryser goes on to write: 

I was pondering Martha’s question again one day, and considered the question, “What’s the difference between a lover and a prostitute?” I realized that both do many of the same things, but a lover does what she does because she loves. A prostitute pretends to love, but only as long as you pay. Then I asked the question, “What would happen if God stopped paying me?”

Dr. Ryser, continues in a wonderful post examining this statement and I would encourage you to hop on over to his post and read his complete story, you won't regret it. But I wanted to stop right here, as it was these statements that made me start to think over my life and my relationship to God. 

I grew up in church, I went to every service, was baptized young and worked at numerous ministries within the church and beyond. I attended, worshiped, and served as a born again, Bible loving, Christian- with a capitol 'C'. I could quote bible verses, I knew most of what anybody could profess to know about God. I knew LOTS about God, but I did not know God. There was a disconnect between my head and my heart. The history lessons I memorized and quoted did little to change my life, God was a really great idea, a super story, and a nice addition to my pretty little Christian package, but He was not my lover. In fact, I found that thought to be really....weird. I could see God as a Father, I could view him as a King. Ruler? Check. Powerful? Yup. Almighty? Omnipresent? The True Judge? Yes, got it, a little scary.....yes. God, was to be feared, and my calculated moves within my tidy (from the outside) Christian life were in order to keep God happy and at bay. I gave myself to God, because he paid my only way into heaven. I served God because I had to, not because I loved Him. 

Jesus makes it quite clear how he feels about us, (his people), we are his bride and he is our groom. Oh how His heart must grieve to see his bride fearfully obeying, out of anxiety and shame. It makes my heart sick to think back to how God constantly showered His love over me, for the simple reason of loving me. And, yet, how I responded out of fear, and sullen obedience to appease a judging God. We are God's bride, and our bridegroom (Jesus) will return for us. Until then we are being woo'ed by the God of the universe, in hopes that we will fall in love with Him before the Groom comes to take his bride. So why are we wasting our days serving and pretending to love, in order to pay a debt, or keep God appeased? 

God caught me at my own game one sunny spring morning, back in 2008. As I did my morning devotions, devotions that I had struggled at doing, trying my best to be the "best" Christian I could be, I began to read of Jesus and Peter,  and how Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved Him. I felt that same question being asked of me. "Erin, do you love me?" Of course I do, I would think back. And still even stronger, "Erin, do you love me?" Look at all I do for you God! Of course I love you! "Do you love me?" And I began to see that all I do, every good intention, every lesson read and service attended would mean nothing without loving God. "No, I don't know how to love you....." My truthfulness in that moment was the open door that God used to begin to open my eyes to how much He loved me. Like taking off sun glasses, things began to get clearer and clearer and I was daily shown in little and big ways the truth of How God loves me. You see, John tell us the truth. We love God because he first loved us. Over the next few months and even to this day, God has continued to show me his character, and it was getting to know his character that softened my heart to learn to fall in love with God. You see the knowledge of God was only knowledge of what the past says about God, and the past has little power to change today. But when I began to see the character of God, who he is, today. Then, I began to trust Him and His intentions for me.

 That is where faith deepens, that is where life's tough battles can be met with equal amounts of faith and courage! 

My life has not been sunshine and roses. In fact, God made the first move here in showing me His great love so that I could stand the storms that were coming, and let me just say....the storms rocked my whole world out of balance. If you are struggling today, I want to encourage you. Is life hitting you with a fierceness that threatens to overtake you, I understand. Are you standing here with your fist in the air screaming "WHERE ARE YOU GOD!?" I have done the same. Could it be perhaps that God is there, that he is standing just there in front of you with arms wide and dying to show you just how great and mighty His love and power really are? Do you think maybe, he quietly pleading with you to stop repaying a debt you can't pay and just let him love you? 

Valentines Day, a day that we have come to expect...love. Even the greatest act of roses and fine dinning and loving words are somehow dampened by the fact that they are expected. How much greater are grand acts of love when done for the sheer reason of love alone. Without expectation, without strings or for making a good impressions for the neighbors. Don't waste this time in your life going through the motions of love for God, just answer His question honestly and wait and see. I promise you, you will not be disappointed.