Driving Blind

I watched a movie once where a woman was driving a car blindfolded. Her fiancé was in the back seat directing her through busy traffic, needless to say the scene didn't end well. By the end of the scene the man and his bride were angry with each other and there was a wake of destruction behind them.

As I sit here reflecting on my life these days, I'm feeling like that woman driving blindfolded. My back seat driver is my own expectations of myself, and behind me I've left a wake of destructive behaviors and attitudes, disappointments, and anxiety.

How are you feeling this afternoon? Maybe you can relate with me. Maybe you're feeling like the busyness of this life, the expectations you have, or the expectations others have for you-- have blindfolded you. Are you having a hard time seeing the road?

This morning I spent some time thinking about the people in my life who have been vulnerable enough to share their struggles with me, and I thought about my own struggles. The theme of the struggles I've heard, along with the pounding of my own heart,  is that no matter how hard I try, I am not enough.

My best efforts, are clumsy and inept at best. My inner script is punctuated with those words of disappointment. It's no wonder that I struggle with anxiety and worry.

I know that I am not alone in this, in fact, I'd venture to say that this is not a Erin problem, or a feminine problem. No, this is a human problem. It doesn't discriminate against age, sex, religion, social status or anything else. We do not measure up.

Even Paul, who many Christians argue to be one of the most zealous Christians in Church history, knows this struggle.

Paul writes in Romans 7: 14-21 that even though he longs and strives to do what is good, he still does what he doesn't want to do. There is a inner war being waged in your soul. The war between doing what is right and doing what is wrong. How do I win the war?

In my life, I tend to spend a lot of time focusing on all I did wrong. I replay my failures and shortcomings, over and over again. I think of all the ways I should have done something, all the ways I have not lived up. All that seems to do is spin me into a place of desperate hopelessness.

But what if I stopped looking at myself and start looking at the God who has already won the war.

This week, I've been reading of weakness. Specifically, how as a Christian I can have hope. Regardless of all the ways I fail, my failures show me something greater then all the success in the world.....

 I am loved by the God who is great. That love is not dependent on my abilies to earn it, or keep it.

God is sovergn and His plan for humanity is not dependant on my ability to be anything other than me.

This is Grace.

This the Power of God in me.

This gives me the hope to keep going. It gives me the supernatural ability to choose to do what is good over whatever it is that I want for me.

This takes off the blindfold.

It gives me eyes to see the road ahead over all the voices in mind telling me otherwise.

Do you want to see the road? Do you wish you knew where you are headed? Start by looking into the Grace God has for you.

Grace to fail, fall and flounder.

Grace to stand up and keep going.




Erin

Seasoned With Salt

Photo credit: out of bounds salt water reef tanks
When I was about 13, I went swimming at a local salt water canal with a neighbor friend. We took turns diving off the floating dock into the salty cool water.

On my last dive, I wanted to go as deep as I could. I jetted into the water, as straight as I could and propelled deeper and deeper into the salty blue abyss.

My elation soon turned to panic as my lungs ached for air and I realized that I was indeed, deep. In my panic, I kicked my feet hard to flip my body back towards the surface of the water. In doing so, I cut my foot deeply on the barnacle and rock covered sea bed.

 I lifted my self up onto  the dock to survey the damage to my foot. I knew that in order to get back to the house, I would have to get back into the salty water...and I knew that it would hurt. Suddenly I understood the figure of speech of "rubbing salt in someones wound".

Salt hurts, but salt heals. 

As a mom to 4 very rambunctious and thrill seeking kiddos, I have often had to clean up an endless number of scrapes, skinned knees and various boo boo's. The worst part of healing is cleaning the wound, but if you don't clean it, then it will never heal. Instead it will fester and plague you.

Oh you may heal on the outside, leaving a small understated scar, but the infection is not far off. It's sitting dormant just under the surface.

This has been my experience and since you're human too- I'm guessing it's been yours too. Life is full of wounds, from minor to deep. You and I have been wounded.

God administers the salt. 

There comes a point in your life when you have to look at your position trapped on the dock, and choose to get back in the salty water.

I don't preach this from a perspective of someone who has lived an easy carefree life, I speak it as a wounded, battle scared, woman who chose to run away from God and hide my wounds.

Let me tell you the truth my dear friends, do not hide your wounds!

I had spent many years trying my best to be strong enough, brave enough, tough enough and spiritual enough to self medicate my personal wounds. All that effort was simply covering my spiritual leprosy with makeup.

 If you were far enough away from me, then I could pass the test. But come close enough and my wounds became clear. I needed healing.

 It started as a simple cry to God, "Lord, I know dealing with this is going to hurt, but it can't be more painful then living like this." Slowly, and somewhat painfully, God began to wash my hurt. I'm not going to lie, it hurt. It came with a cost.

It was worth the pain.

The process is never ending, as long as I live I will be in constant needing of a good healthy dose of healing. Not just because I am in need of healing from wounds inflicted upon me.

It's the wounds I cause to myself.

 It's my poor attitude, my faulty choices, my inadequate relationships skills. I am a broken person, I am not seasoned to perfection. And until the day I meet my savior, I am in constant need of salt.

Where are you lacking salt?

Where are you wounded?

Maybe you've carried your hurts around like a badge, telling the world how you've been wronged.

Maybe you've tried desperately to hid them all away where no one can see them.

Or maybe your walking around your life hurting others with your actions, words, and attitudes.

 Let's stop. 

Let's take our pain to the person who's willing, ready and able to heal our pain and set us free from our wounds. 

Surrendering at the feet of the Great Healer

I have a problem. Good food. I love to cook, bake, eat and I love to share great food with friends. But sadly, food does not love me. I am allergic to nearly everything. Grains, dairy, yeast, some  fruits, some nuts, eggs....if it's creamy, baked, or delicious then I shouldn't eat it.   But I do eat it. It starts off small, a splash of cream in my coffee, a little cookie here or there. Surely this tiny drop in my nutrition bucket won't make a problem. Only thing is, it does. It makes a big problem. Because before I know what hit me, I've eaten 3 cupcakes and that little splash of cream in my coffee has become a peanut buster parfait from Dairy Queen and now I'm filled with regret and pain.

Life is filled with choices, tiny choices. Tiny choices that make huge differences in our life. 

Sin looks a lot like food allergies. Like food that I'm allergic too, sin is poison to the soul. Although small amounts of poison may not kill you, ingest that poison day after day and see where it leads you, it will lead you to death. My doctor once told me, as I whined about having to say no to what I want to eat, that the food I'm eating is poison to my body. You may think you're not affected by a little bit here and there, but those bits and pieces will catch up with you and in the end. They will kill you. Not quickly, but death is at the end of that road.

Romans 6:1-2

 "What shall we say? Shall we keep on sinning that Grace should abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?"

We who are Christ followers, have died to sin. The moment we surrendered our life to Christ we sacrificed our life in order to live forever in relationship with Christ. We died with Christ, so that we can live with him! (Rom 6) We have a knowledge that the world doesn't understand. We know that choosing sin will kill us, eternally. And yet with that knowledge, having experienced the freedom that came at our moment of salvation with Jesus Christ, we consistently choose to live in sin. At the beginning of my diagnosis, I stuck to the plan, and my symptoms dissipated over time. Saying no to what my flesh desired was the cure to my symptoms. As I got used to my new found symptom free life, I began to forget how trapped I was by my old ailments, and I began to cheat. As we live out our faith, we begin to forget how trapped we were by our sinful life before Christ. We begin to negotiate our sin. A little bit here, a tiny sin there, we know it's wrong but we just WANT to do it our way! Before you know it your old symptoms are creeping back in under the surface. Greed, lust, a stubbornness to be right, you've become less and less content with the way things are and more and more demanding that things start going YOUR way. 

If your reading this and getting uncomfortable, take heart. There is hope, and that hope is the Great Healer. I've struggled with my willingness to give up the foods I love in order to let my body heal. I've whined, I've begged for healing, I've prayed that God would magically take away all my food issues. All the while there God has been asking me to surrender. It's hard to surrender when you're holding tightly to your personal desires. A conversation with my Mom really hit me hard. I was whining about how sick I felt and that my symptoms are returning. I KNEW that I needed to give up sugar and go all out on the diet my doctor had suggested. I knew that if I did, my symptoms would disappear. But I didn't want to. It's TOO hard! I cried to my mom, I don't WANT to give up the foods I like! She understood, but asked me a question. "Erin, do you think that after all God has brought you through and healed in you. Just maybe Satan wants to keep you believing that you can't give up sugar?" I had never thought about God and Satan in the realm of my physical allergies. As many of us tend to do, I compartmentalized my spiritual life and my physical life. But you really can't separate them, they are one. I began to think about that and ask God if there was any truth there. It was clear to see that wherever my flesh is demanding and unyielding, something is happening spiritually as well. So once again, here I am, asking God to do something about these allergies. I'm asking him to let me give them up. 

You probably don't have food issues, but I'd be willing to bet that there is something in your life that you are holding on to with a grip that would challenge the strongest man in the world. Maybe God wants you to just let it go. Maybe, like me, you've forgotten what it was like to be free from the symptoms of your life before Christ. You're a Christian but you've let your life be marked with bits of sin that have began to infest your life. You can't remember the freedom that came when you gave your life to Christ. To you I say, come home. Your Christian walk is work, salvation is free, but living out your faith comes with a great cost. The cost is to give up your stubborn desires and unyielding heart and let God's grace give you the supernatural strength to conquer the desires of your flesh. 

I hope that you are encouraged as well as challenged by what you read here. I pray that as you read this that you would feel God's gentle pleading. Come home. Let it Go. Surrender your physical and spiritual sickness at the feet of the Great Healer. He loves to heal, after all He didn't come to save the found, and heal the well. No, Christ came to save the lost, heal the broken, free the captives! 

If you need prayer, or if you have been encouraged or challenged I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a comment in the comments section, I'd be happy to pray for you. 

Blessings, 

Erin 

The Grace of the Martyrs

I wrote a few days ago about the grace of courage, and how God equips us for every work he plans for us to accomplish in this life, and this knowledge is what gives us the grace of courage to stand strong when God asks us walk down a road marked with suffering or pain. Today I want to continue the thought with another secret of the great men and woman of faith who walked before us. 

A Martyr doesn't view their eternity through the eyes of their present suffering,

 But rather, they view their present suffering through the eyes of their eternal worth.

 2 Cor 4: 16-18

 " So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Do you think the great men and woman of faith ever knew what impact they would have on generations to come? Do you think Paul ever sat in prison thinking about how far his message of the Gospel of Christ would go? There was no way that he could have foreseen that generations and generations of Christians would quote his very words as they sat in their own prison cells for likewise proclaiming God's truths to their own lost generations. I guess I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about influence, thinking about the cost of following Christ. In particular, I've been thinking about how I will respond when, inevitably, I am asked to follow Christ when the cost is myself, my well-being or my family. Yesterday, I spent a bit of time listening to old sermons by John Piper, as I listened to his sermon Called to Suffer and Rejoice: For an Eternal Weight of Glory, I was encouraged in my quest to follow Christ. Paul, in 2nd Corinthians 4, gives us the secret to enduring our Christian life. The secret to fighting the good fight is to be renewed day by day, a renewal that comes from looking at not what we see but what is unseen. This is the secret of the martyr, this is the way that great men and woman of faith can stand in the midst of great suffering and persecution for their faith and be unshaken. They see something that the rest of us, when life is easy, we all to often miss. They are looking at the unseen. Verse 18 tells us how we can live our life giving up every comfort and easy way and strive for the cross of Christ. By looking at what we cannot see. It's doesn't make sense, to look at what we can't see. How can we see it?? It's not VISIBLE! Our life is what is seen! The cancer, is seen. The broken marriage, the sick parent or sick child, my empty bank account..... I can clearly see these things! But Paul says,  all the pain of this life is LIGHT, when compared in weight to the GLORY that awaits us! If anyone has the right to tell us this, it's Paul. Paul, who endured lashings that left his bones exposed. Paul, who spent most of his ministry imprisoned, or shipwrecked, or being run out of town by angry mobs. If anyone has suffered for his ministry, Paul has. And Paul, he knows what he's saying when he tells us this. He's telling us that when we choose to follow Christ, if we are serious in our attempts to live out loud our faith and dependence on Christ, then pain is inevitable. We will be hated. 1 Corinthians 1:18 "The cross is such foolishness to the perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God." The world will not understand us, speak anyways. They will ridicule you, speak anyway. You will be passed over for that job, live your faith anyways. If you share your money with someone who needs it you will have less, give anyways. All the while do not look at your empty bank account, look at the endless funds of your maker. Do not look at the sickness in your body, look at the health you will have for eternity. Do not look at your empty stomachs, your cancer ridden bodies, your painful experiences. Do not be TRICKED by the outward appearance of your need, look to your savior who has already conquered the battle you fight, which is unseen. Your eternal worth is unseen, but it is no less real. In fact, it's even MORE real then what you see around you! What you see and feel around you is counterfeit by comparison to what is unseen. And when you look at what your circumstances are by seeing them through the rose colored glasses of the eternal, they are far less intimidating. This is the secret of the Martyr. A Martyr doesn't view their eternity through the eyes of their present suffering, but rather they view their present suffering through the eyes of their eternity.

As I listened to John Piper discuss these truths, my heart stirred. I was encouraged, and I was also challenged. I am quick to lose hope, I am quick to see my circumstances and cry out "Why me!?" I desperately want to live out my faith, I want to be a 'Paul' for this generation, but I am so easily swayed into despair when the outcome of my steps of faith are met with more harsh circumstances! I am so acutely aware of my humanity, and my frailty. Take heart today if you relate to me here, God is faithful to complete his work that he started with you at your conversion. Living out your faith is a process that takes a lifetime to accomplish! Even the great apostle Paul says in Romans 7:15-20 that he cannot do what he ought to do! But daily God is refining me, and he is refining you. Verse 16 of the text in Corinthians tells us to "not lose heart! though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." Daily, I need God's renewal. Daily, I seek His strength. My conversion was not enough to last me a lifetime of circumstances, I need constant affirmation. And that affirmation comes from God alone. My prayer is that as you read this blog today, you are encouraged and challenged. I pray that you are renewed and affirmed by the God who called you and set you with a high calling and purpose. I pray that you and I begin to learn to look at our circumstances through the lens of our eternal worth, and in doing so are renewed yet again to continue the race and live out loud our faith to our own lost generation. 

Grace and Peace to you. 

The Grace of Courage

This past weekend I took my oldest to the Emergency Room. She was dehydrated and suffering from high fevers and body pains, the doctor told her she needed a IV placed so she could get fluids. My daughter did not take the news well. My 7 year old princess, became a wounded warrior. She sobbed into my chest and begged to be sent home. The nurse, brought her in a stuffed animal and promises of Popsicles for exchange for her bravery. I took my baby in my lap and prayed over her, I reminded her that God loves her, and that He promises to be with us and that He will never ask us to do anything that He has not already equipped us to do. I prayed that God's peace would come over my daughter as she cried in my arms. As the moment of truth came to fruition, and my daughter wept and shook as the nurses held her tiny arm and talked her through the process, my baby looked at me with sad blue eyes and whispered, "Mommy. I can't be brave. I just can't be brave. I'm to scared." 

As I watched my daughter go through a very real fearful situation, I couldn't help but think of times in my life when I've prayed the same prayer to God. "Lord, I'm trying to be brave. But I just can't! I'm just too scared!"

I've often read of the great men and women in the Bible who did tremendously brave things for the sake of the Gospel, or in the name of God. I think of David and his battle with the giant, Daniel and his night with the lions, Rahab and her helping the spies to destroy Jericho, Ruth, Esther, the Apostle Paul...So many men and women that God used to do incredible things at great cost to their own safety. I read these passages and I think to myself, could I ever be that brave?

When my daughter told me "Mommy, I can't be brave..." I looked right at her and said the very thing God says to us. "That's okay Baby. You don't need to be brave, you just need to trust that God will get you through this." I think God echoes this same answer when we tell him our fears, when we cry out that were trying but we just can't be brave anymore. You see Webster defines Brave as ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage, endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear. 
But God defines bravery as a dependence on Him, and an understanding of where our courage comes from. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power. And 2 Corinthians 12:9 that God's grace is sufficient for us in our weakness.  

Sunday Morning, our adult Sunday School class was talking about martyrs, and the same resounding answer came from all of us. "How could I ever be that brave?" As we continued to talk about Martyrdom, and the promise of persecution that Jesus and Paul so frequently spoke of to us as we follow Christ, what struck me was the fact that these men and women of faith did not suddenly wake up one day and die for the sake of Christ, but that they had a journey with Christ that led to their eventual death. The life that they lived with their savior was one that proved to them that they could endure, because they had confidence in the God they served. He may not rescue them from their present suffering, but He would never lead them down a road that He had not already equipped them to endure. They didn't have to be brave, they just need to know the God that is in control. 

So how did the great Martyrs through the ages cultivate such a relationship with God, what did they grasp about the person of God that allowed them to remain pillars of faith in the midst of such great suffering? I think that they truly understood the kingdom purpose behind will of God. They didn't seem to ask many "why me?" questions, they just seemed to know that their life was about more then themselves. That's where the grace of courage is born. If you are a Christian then you are called apart from the world, Isaiah 43 tells that we can have courage because God has called us by name. And if God has called you apart by name, then don't you think that he had a reason to do so? You are not invited into the family of God in order to meet a heavenly quota based on your abilities, personalities or rugged good looks. You are called, with a job to do. And that job is one thing, further the kingdom of God. It's mind blowing when you sit with that for a minute, YOU are important, scratch that, VITAL to the ultimate purpose and plan of God to see mankind brought back into fellowship with Himself. He choose you with this very job in mind. I think that is the secret of the Martyr, they knew this, and because they grasped this truth. When God led them down roads that lead through suffering, loss and death, they were not shaken. For they understood that their life will not be lived in vain, but that the God who starts a good work will be faithful to complete it! (Philippians 1:6)

So my challenge to you today, is to think about this, you are created with a purpose. You are vital to the work God is doing in His great story of redemption. What if God called you to be courageous, even unto death? Are you confidant in the God who called you? If not, then like my daughter who cried that she can't be brave, it's okay to cry out to God and share your fears. God loves to show His faithfulness to his chosen people. 

Rest in the Grace of Courage that God has for you today. 

Where Do You Go From Here?

Lord, what would you have me say? I've been struggling lately, I feel like I'm not sure what to say. All around me people are hurting, struggling, dying. Every time I turn around another friend is watching a loved one fight for their life. The world feels awfully heavy. How do you respond in the midst of all this?  These are the questions I ponder today as I sit at my computer and reflect. As I think about all this I am reminded of a verse.

2nd Corinthians 4:7

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

We have a treasure in a jar of clay. And that treasure shows the all-surpassing power of God. The power that is so strong, powerful and un-containable that there is no mistake to all who see it, they will know that it is a power from God alone. It is this power at work inside us that, although we are being pressed from every angle, we are not crushed. Although we do not see what God is doing, we are not in despair. Although we feel the odds are stacked against us, we know we are not abandoned. Although the blows of this life throw us down we are not destroyed. But what is that treasure? What could possibly give me that kind of power? And do I truly understand the implications of what this verse is saying? If we back up a few verses we will see that this verse is speaking of the Gospel of Christ. Verse 6 tells us  "For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake." As we walk our Christian life, we will have hardships. If we are speaking the Gospel, then we will have persecution. But we have this knowledge that our life is not about us, our success in life is  not dependent on our stature in society. A successful life is not one marked with worldly treasures, it's doesn't often shimmer with gold and diamonds. No, we as Christ followers know that our reward is not here on this earth and it's not here in this life. Over and over again in scripture God speaks about how hard it is for those who have much to follow Christ. 

Mark 10:23-31

  Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” 24 This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard to enter the Kingdom of God. 25 In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

26 The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

28 Then Peter began to speak up. “We've given up everything to follow you,” he said.

29 “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, 30 will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. 31 But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.

Now if your like me, when you read these verses you struggle with them. Maybe you skip over them, "Lord!" you may say, "I want to follow you, but I am afraid to live like that! How will I feed my family, how will I pay my bills? Don't those things matter too? How can I live like that? Give up my family? My children Lord?" Ah, but that is the beauty of the jars of clay. Jars of clay are common, they are plain and no one sees great value in them. But God says, I have greatness for you! Look at what Paul says after he calls you a plain jar. 

2 Corinthians 4:13-18

But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” 14 We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you. 15 All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.

16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

We can take comfort and find strength in the fact that we know that there is a higher purpose. Greater then that, is this: We display the Glory of God when we suffer. The world sees our lowly state, and they see that we've suffered greatly and yet we have this all-surpassing power! A power that is so deep and strong, that you cannot see it without seeing the the Greatness of God! What can I say when I see the suffering that is going on all around me? When I hug the friend who is losing her mother, child or spouse? I can hold them in my arms and suffer with them, and I can stand back and watch as the power of Christ is displayed in them! And as I go through my own suffering, I am reminded that my reward is not here on earth. I would never want my glory to shine in place  of God, for He alone should be glorified. The cry of my heart, and the purpose of my life as a Christ follower, is to see Christ be made much of. I know that it will mean that I will suffer great loss in this life, I will rest in the knowledge that my God will never leave me, and that God has promised that I will not be destroyed, though physically my body may be destroyed, my life and it's worth is eternal. For my glory will be found in the Glory of God that will live on forever. 

Are you suffering? Is God challenging you to give up something in order to follow and live out the calling God has in your life? God has asked us all to do one thing, to go and make disciples. If you are being challenged in your heart right now, I would like to encourage you. Our God is faithful. He will never ask you to suffer alone. Press into God right now and allow Him to change you and rest in His power. You are not alone.