Falling in Love with Grace

February is nearly upon us, stores are filling quickly with paper hearts, chocolates and deep red wine. Valentines is near and love is in the air. I read a blog the other day that made me think and reflect on love, in fact it made me think about love that is bought. This article makes in interesting point and one that had not been new to me, but one that I had a hard time putting into words, that is, until now. The writer of this blog, Dr Ryser, speaks of a class he was teaching to young seminary students, he gives them a brief history of the evolution of Christianity in the places it has traveled, he says this:

It is a short version of the history of Christianity, and it goes like this: Christianity started in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it came to America and became an enterprise.

Some of the students were only 18 or 19 years old--barely out of diapers--and I wanted them to understand and appreciate the import of the last line, so I clarified it by adding, “An enterprise. That’s a business.” After a few moments Martha, the youngest student in the class, raised her hand. I could not imagine what her question might be. I thought the little vignette was self-explanatory, and that I had performed it brilliantly. Nevertheless, I acknowledged Martha’s raised hand, “Yes, Martha.” She asked such a simple question, “A business? But isn’t it supposed to be a body?” I could not envision where this line of questioning was going, and the only response I could think of was, “Yes.” She continued, “But when a body becomes a business, isn’t that a prostitute?”

Dr. Ryser goes on to write: 

I was pondering Martha’s question again one day, and considered the question, “What’s the difference between a lover and a prostitute?” I realized that both do many of the same things, but a lover does what she does because she loves. A prostitute pretends to love, but only as long as you pay. Then I asked the question, “What would happen if God stopped paying me?”

Dr. Ryser, continues in a wonderful post examining this statement and I would encourage you to hop on over to his post and read his complete story, you won't regret it. But I wanted to stop right here, as it was these statements that made me start to think over my life and my relationship to God. 

I grew up in church, I went to every service, was baptized young and worked at numerous ministries within the church and beyond. I attended, worshiped, and served as a born again, Bible loving, Christian- with a capitol 'C'. I could quote bible verses, I knew most of what anybody could profess to know about God. I knew LOTS about God, but I did not know God. There was a disconnect between my head and my heart. The history lessons I memorized and quoted did little to change my life, God was a really great idea, a super story, and a nice addition to my pretty little Christian package, but He was not my lover. In fact, I found that thought to be really....weird. I could see God as a Father, I could view him as a King. Ruler? Check. Powerful? Yup. Almighty? Omnipresent? The True Judge? Yes, got it, a little scary.....yes. God, was to be feared, and my calculated moves within my tidy (from the outside) Christian life were in order to keep God happy and at bay. I gave myself to God, because he paid my only way into heaven. I served God because I had to, not because I loved Him. 

Jesus makes it quite clear how he feels about us, (his people), we are his bride and he is our groom. Oh how His heart must grieve to see his bride fearfully obeying, out of anxiety and shame. It makes my heart sick to think back to how God constantly showered His love over me, for the simple reason of loving me. And, yet, how I responded out of fear, and sullen obedience to appease a judging God. We are God's bride, and our bridegroom (Jesus) will return for us. Until then we are being woo'ed by the God of the universe, in hopes that we will fall in love with Him before the Groom comes to take his bride. So why are we wasting our days serving and pretending to love, in order to pay a debt, or keep God appeased? 

God caught me at my own game one sunny spring morning, back in 2008. As I did my morning devotions, devotions that I had struggled at doing, trying my best to be the "best" Christian I could be, I began to read of Jesus and Peter,  and how Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved Him. I felt that same question being asked of me. "Erin, do you love me?" Of course I do, I would think back. And still even stronger, "Erin, do you love me?" Look at all I do for you God! Of course I love you! "Do you love me?" And I began to see that all I do, every good intention, every lesson read and service attended would mean nothing without loving God. "No, I don't know how to love you....." My truthfulness in that moment was the open door that God used to begin to open my eyes to how much He loved me. Like taking off sun glasses, things began to get clearer and clearer and I was daily shown in little and big ways the truth of How God loves me. You see, John tell us the truth. We love God because he first loved us. Over the next few months and even to this day, God has continued to show me his character, and it was getting to know his character that softened my heart to learn to fall in love with God. You see the knowledge of God was only knowledge of what the past says about God, and the past has little power to change today. But when I began to see the character of God, who he is, today. Then, I began to trust Him and His intentions for me.

 That is where faith deepens, that is where life's tough battles can be met with equal amounts of faith and courage! 

My life has not been sunshine and roses. In fact, God made the first move here in showing me His great love so that I could stand the storms that were coming, and let me just say....the storms rocked my whole world out of balance. If you are struggling today, I want to encourage you. Is life hitting you with a fierceness that threatens to overtake you, I understand. Are you standing here with your fist in the air screaming "WHERE ARE YOU GOD!?" I have done the same. Could it be perhaps that God is there, that he is standing just there in front of you with arms wide and dying to show you just how great and mighty His love and power really are? Do you think maybe, he quietly pleading with you to stop repaying a debt you can't pay and just let him love you? 

Valentines Day, a day that we have come to expect...love. Even the greatest act of roses and fine dinning and loving words are somehow dampened by the fact that they are expected. How much greater are grand acts of love when done for the sheer reason of love alone. Without expectation, without strings or for making a good impressions for the neighbors. Don't waste this time in your life going through the motions of love for God, just answer His question honestly and wait and see. I promise you, you will not be disappointed. 

The Greatness of the Game

I've never been much into sports, although I grew up in a family that regularly reminded me that "Football is Life." My father actually had a t-shirt that sported this sentiment. But this year, things have started to change for me. I've kept score, I've followed stats. I've regularly watched the last quarter of many games my home team has played this year. And last night I did something I haven't done in 8 years.... I excitedly watched a NFC Football game and I think I was the loudest one there. Although my Dad might have rivaled me in volume. My heart was in the game! Today, the thrill of a victorious team is still heavy in my mind. Paul often compares the Christian walk to running a race, and I think it's applicable to say that our walk in this Christian life often feels a bit like a fantastic football game. At the first quarter of your walk you feel as though you have all the time in the world, you may fail and goof, but it's early you have plenty of time to recover. But as you mature in your faith, it's becomes the little things that make or break your testimony and your witness. When I get to the end of my life I want to say with courage and conviction that I left it all on the field. But the game of my life, will be filled with a strong and daunting adversary.

 I read a wonderful blog from a dear friend, she talks about David and Goliath. And how the giant taunted the Israelite army for 40 days and how David in the midst of all that was able to stand with supernatural courage in the face of the taunting giant. When my faith was little and my walk not yet matured, my giants didn't have to do much to shake me. I have found that as I grow in faith, my adversary pulls out the big guns, runs the tough plays and shoots daggers that find their place straight to my heart. And often the hit knocks me to the ground and leaves me shaken and dazed. "what just happened?"

So how do you walk out your life in the hard hitting 3rd quarter? Not all of us will be asked to slay giants and lead armies. But if you are a Christian, then you do have a job to be done and as you catch the pass and run the field you better believe you will face a onslaught on opposition running full force at you trying to knock you off your feet.

Although I tried desperately to ignore all the football talk around the table in my home growing up, some things were said enough to penetrate through my girlie exterior. Play smart. How do you play smart in your Christian walk? Know your team. A team without this is doomed to fail. How can you work together if you don't know how the other players work, how they run, how they throw, how the catch. How do you stand up to your opponent if your unsure of the God you run with? There is only one way to know God's playbook. Read it. There's only one way to anticipate how God will move. Experience it. Practice it.

Football season growing up was exhausting, and I didn't even play, but I went to every practice and every game. Some days all we did was practice football, two a day practices and barely any rest. There is no way a team can make it through a game without intensive practice and dedication. Eating, sleeping and breathing the game. And yet, when it comes to our Christian walk we stumble on the field and run fast, but play stupid. We have yet to spend the time we need to cultivate a relationship with our team, and without a team you can't play the game. Like my friend mentions in her blog about David, the reason David could stand in the face of his giant is because he had already experienced a God who rescued him from a bear and a lion, and well when you've walk through all that.... what's a giant going to do to you that a lion wouldn't have done.

I used to run from opposition. After all what do I know? I would never begin to ask God to give me the practice I need to stand up to giants, or linebackers. But what if I can begin to see my opposition as a blessing? What if instead of running off the sideline and stopping the game I trusted my team and ran a Hail Mary to the endzone? Because I know and believe what I have read in the play book: If God is for me who can be against me?

Surrendering at the feet of the Great Healer

I have a problem. Good food. I love to cook, bake, eat and I love to share great food with friends. But sadly, food does not love me. I am allergic to nearly everything. Grains, dairy, yeast, some  fruits, some nuts, eggs....if it's creamy, baked, or delicious then I shouldn't eat it.   But I do eat it. It starts off small, a splash of cream in my coffee, a little cookie here or there. Surely this tiny drop in my nutrition bucket won't make a problem. Only thing is, it does. It makes a big problem. Because before I know what hit me, I've eaten 3 cupcakes and that little splash of cream in my coffee has become a peanut buster parfait from Dairy Queen and now I'm filled with regret and pain.

Life is filled with choices, tiny choices. Tiny choices that make huge differences in our life. 

Sin looks a lot like food allergies. Like food that I'm allergic too, sin is poison to the soul. Although small amounts of poison may not kill you, ingest that poison day after day and see where it leads you, it will lead you to death. My doctor once told me, as I whined about having to say no to what I want to eat, that the food I'm eating is poison to my body. You may think you're not affected by a little bit here and there, but those bits and pieces will catch up with you and in the end. They will kill you. Not quickly, but death is at the end of that road.

Romans 6:1-2

 "What shall we say? Shall we keep on sinning that Grace should abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?"

We who are Christ followers, have died to sin. The moment we surrendered our life to Christ we sacrificed our life in order to live forever in relationship with Christ. We died with Christ, so that we can live with him! (Rom 6) We have a knowledge that the world doesn't understand. We know that choosing sin will kill us, eternally. And yet with that knowledge, having experienced the freedom that came at our moment of salvation with Jesus Christ, we consistently choose to live in sin. At the beginning of my diagnosis, I stuck to the plan, and my symptoms dissipated over time. Saying no to what my flesh desired was the cure to my symptoms. As I got used to my new found symptom free life, I began to forget how trapped I was by my old ailments, and I began to cheat. As we live out our faith, we begin to forget how trapped we were by our sinful life before Christ. We begin to negotiate our sin. A little bit here, a tiny sin there, we know it's wrong but we just WANT to do it our way! Before you know it your old symptoms are creeping back in under the surface. Greed, lust, a stubbornness to be right, you've become less and less content with the way things are and more and more demanding that things start going YOUR way. 

If your reading this and getting uncomfortable, take heart. There is hope, and that hope is the Great Healer. I've struggled with my willingness to give up the foods I love in order to let my body heal. I've whined, I've begged for healing, I've prayed that God would magically take away all my food issues. All the while there God has been asking me to surrender. It's hard to surrender when you're holding tightly to your personal desires. A conversation with my Mom really hit me hard. I was whining about how sick I felt and that my symptoms are returning. I KNEW that I needed to give up sugar and go all out on the diet my doctor had suggested. I knew that if I did, my symptoms would disappear. But I didn't want to. It's TOO hard! I cried to my mom, I don't WANT to give up the foods I like! She understood, but asked me a question. "Erin, do you think that after all God has brought you through and healed in you. Just maybe Satan wants to keep you believing that you can't give up sugar?" I had never thought about God and Satan in the realm of my physical allergies. As many of us tend to do, I compartmentalized my spiritual life and my physical life. But you really can't separate them, they are one. I began to think about that and ask God if there was any truth there. It was clear to see that wherever my flesh is demanding and unyielding, something is happening spiritually as well. So once again, here I am, asking God to do something about these allergies. I'm asking him to let me give them up. 

You probably don't have food issues, but I'd be willing to bet that there is something in your life that you are holding on to with a grip that would challenge the strongest man in the world. Maybe God wants you to just let it go. Maybe, like me, you've forgotten what it was like to be free from the symptoms of your life before Christ. You're a Christian but you've let your life be marked with bits of sin that have began to infest your life. You can't remember the freedom that came when you gave your life to Christ. To you I say, come home. Your Christian walk is work, salvation is free, but living out your faith comes with a great cost. The cost is to give up your stubborn desires and unyielding heart and let God's grace give you the supernatural strength to conquer the desires of your flesh. 

I hope that you are encouraged as well as challenged by what you read here. I pray that as you read this that you would feel God's gentle pleading. Come home. Let it Go. Surrender your physical and spiritual sickness at the feet of the Great Healer. He loves to heal, after all He didn't come to save the found, and heal the well. No, Christ came to save the lost, heal the broken, free the captives! 

If you need prayer, or if you have been encouraged or challenged I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a comment in the comments section, I'd be happy to pray for you. 

Blessings, 

Erin