Grace In The Midst of Heartache

GRACE IN THE MIDST OF HEARTACHE

There are those moments in life that impress in your heart and change who you are by their presence there.

One of those moments for me came at 16 years old, while visiting an orphanage in Romania.

 These children were all hungry for attention, but one child... One face in the crowd changed me forever.

 I wish I could tell you his name, I wish I could tell you something great about this boy. But there was nothing impressive about him.

His hair was cut short to keep the lice at bay.
His pants were a size too small and his shirt too big.

What stood out to me was his hunger.

Not a hunger for food, but for love.
An unspoken hunger to be called good enough, worthy, desired.
This boy was deaf, family less, and abandoned.
No other children played with him.

He sat alone. 

The Orphanage ‘Mothers’ told us that there was no hope for that boy.
Without the ability to communicate his future was clear.
 He would not be able to find work on the streets.
His statistical outcome was grim.
He would, in 8 short years, age out of the orphanage.
He would live on the streets begging for money.
He would fall into a life of crime and find himself jailed or killed.

He was 8 years old.

In Romania, boys in group homes age out at 16, he was half way to aging out of the system.
 In this boy, I saw the hopelessness of children without love.
That day I made it my personal mission to love that boy with all the love I could muster.

I think of him often.

I pray that the small seeds of love that boy had, in a lonely orphanage in Romania, meant something to him. Maybe that small mission of love somehow could change the path his life was on.

Just maybe, he saw the love of Jesus though me.

The day I met him, I went to bed sobbing. I would never see him again.
The odds and statistics tell me that his life may very well be over before I even pen these words.
That encounter happened over 14 years ago.

That experience opened my eyes to evil and injustice.
The normal experience of the abandoned children of the world.
It opened my eyes to the realization that, in this life...

 I drew the long end of the stick.

 In fact, it put a face to the millions of children whose lives have dealt them the short end of that stick.
 It caused me to start to question.
What happens as these children grow out of the system?
Historically speaking, taking care of the orphans was the job of the church.
In more recent times the church has taken a step back and the government has taken the lead.

Why?

My husband and I have always planned on fostering or adopting at some point.
 In the recent years, as we've asked questions and began relationships with parents who foster.
The question we've asked is:

 How do you handle the heartache?

And there seems to be heartache every step of the way.
How do you handle the heartache of taking in a child who has been so neglected and battered by the very parents who are now fighting to get them back?
How do you remain unbiased knowing that the end goal of fostering, in the best case scenario, is to re-place that child back into the home with the parents who hurt them to begin with?
How do you handle the heartache of parents who give up their rights with that child?
The pain of loving and sacrificing?
Of giving all you have into a child who refuses to let you into their walled off world?
The pain of bonding with a child you cannot keep?

No matter how you look at it, there will be pain and heartache.

 If a child stays with me, I will mourn that they have lost their parents.
If they move on from my home, I mourn that I lost them from my arms.
Am I willing to live a life full of mourning?
Am I willing to love a child who may never love me back?

Matthew West wrote a song that has been playing in my head for months.
It’s called Forgiveness and the words are powerful.
The chorus is what my heart echos as I ponder these questions.
I must return again to the cross and cry out:

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

Go now and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness.

There are too many children in Foster care. 

There are not enough homes and sadly a lot of the homes available are not loving homes.
For every one success story of a foster kid who made it through,
I have heard many more stories of further abuse.

 What do we do with the children no one seems to want?

I am writing this because I do not have all the answers.

 In fact, the closer I've stepped into following God’s leading the more I see how inadequate I am for the task.
 But my heart cries out...

What if that child was me?!

What if I was that lonely boy in that orphanage, who everyone had given up on?

What if I was that little girl who’s history tells her that no one will ever truly love her?

 My heart tells me to keep loving the unlovable and to keep reaching the unreachable.
To throw my fears and pain at the cross and watch and see what grace can accomplish.
 Because it’s not about you and me.
It's not about what we can or cannot do.

 It’s about love. 

It’s about following where God leads you.
It’s about trusting the God who leads you.

Another blogger wrote:

“God's ability to be good to her in a difficult environment is far greater than any good we could offer her in a comfortable one. No amount of "good" we can give her can compare with the goodness of the sovereignty of God in her life, wherever she may end up living it. There are no guarantees in foster care, except one - God is sovereign in the life of this baby girl. He is good, and He will be good to her always, no matter where she lays her head at night.”

God may not be calling you to take in an orphaned child, but God is calling you to something.
The closer you get to surrendering yourself to what God is asking you, the more you will question your ability do what He asks.
You may question how you’ll handle the pain and hardship that will surely follow the road you walk down. Friend, if you are following Jesus, He guarantees us there will be pain and heartache.

My prayer for you is that you find strength to surrender your plans to God.
There is grace at the foot of the cross.
Step forward knowing there is never a ‘right time'.

The right time is the moment God calls you.

Is He calling you?
Have you reached the point in your struggle with God’s calling that it is actually more painful to keep holding His plans for you are arms distance then it would be to simply fall at His cross and surrender?
We have to take that step of faith and accept the road of suffering in our lives.
There is a freedom that comes when you quit struggling to keep God at bay in your life.

God is relentless.

 He will never quit asking you to trust Him more, and surrender yourself to Him more.

But God is also loving.

 He never calls us to do something that He has not already agreed to equip us for.

The Grace of the Martyrs

I wrote a few days ago about the grace of courage, and how God equips us for every work he plans for us to accomplish in this life, and this knowledge is what gives us the grace of courage to stand strong when God asks us walk down a road marked with suffering or pain. Today I want to continue the thought with another secret of the great men and woman of faith who walked before us. 

A Martyr doesn't view their eternity through the eyes of their present suffering,

 But rather, they view their present suffering through the eyes of their eternal worth.

 2 Cor 4: 16-18

 " So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Do you think the great men and woman of faith ever knew what impact they would have on generations to come? Do you think Paul ever sat in prison thinking about how far his message of the Gospel of Christ would go? There was no way that he could have foreseen that generations and generations of Christians would quote his very words as they sat in their own prison cells for likewise proclaiming God's truths to their own lost generations. I guess I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about influence, thinking about the cost of following Christ. In particular, I've been thinking about how I will respond when, inevitably, I am asked to follow Christ when the cost is myself, my well-being or my family. Yesterday, I spent a bit of time listening to old sermons by John Piper, as I listened to his sermon Called to Suffer and Rejoice: For an Eternal Weight of Glory, I was encouraged in my quest to follow Christ. Paul, in 2nd Corinthians 4, gives us the secret to enduring our Christian life. The secret to fighting the good fight is to be renewed day by day, a renewal that comes from looking at not what we see but what is unseen. This is the secret of the martyr, this is the way that great men and woman of faith can stand in the midst of great suffering and persecution for their faith and be unshaken. They see something that the rest of us, when life is easy, we all to often miss. They are looking at the unseen. Verse 18 tells us how we can live our life giving up every comfort and easy way and strive for the cross of Christ. By looking at what we cannot see. It's doesn't make sense, to look at what we can't see. How can we see it?? It's not VISIBLE! Our life is what is seen! The cancer, is seen. The broken marriage, the sick parent or sick child, my empty bank account..... I can clearly see these things! But Paul says,  all the pain of this life is LIGHT, when compared in weight to the GLORY that awaits us! If anyone has the right to tell us this, it's Paul. Paul, who endured lashings that left his bones exposed. Paul, who spent most of his ministry imprisoned, or shipwrecked, or being run out of town by angry mobs. If anyone has suffered for his ministry, Paul has. And Paul, he knows what he's saying when he tells us this. He's telling us that when we choose to follow Christ, if we are serious in our attempts to live out loud our faith and dependence on Christ, then pain is inevitable. We will be hated. 1 Corinthians 1:18 "The cross is such foolishness to the perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God." The world will not understand us, speak anyways. They will ridicule you, speak anyway. You will be passed over for that job, live your faith anyways. If you share your money with someone who needs it you will have less, give anyways. All the while do not look at your empty bank account, look at the endless funds of your maker. Do not look at the sickness in your body, look at the health you will have for eternity. Do not look at your empty stomachs, your cancer ridden bodies, your painful experiences. Do not be TRICKED by the outward appearance of your need, look to your savior who has already conquered the battle you fight, which is unseen. Your eternal worth is unseen, but it is no less real. In fact, it's even MORE real then what you see around you! What you see and feel around you is counterfeit by comparison to what is unseen. And when you look at what your circumstances are by seeing them through the rose colored glasses of the eternal, they are far less intimidating. This is the secret of the Martyr. A Martyr doesn't view their eternity through the eyes of their present suffering, but rather they view their present suffering through the eyes of their eternity.

As I listened to John Piper discuss these truths, my heart stirred. I was encouraged, and I was also challenged. I am quick to lose hope, I am quick to see my circumstances and cry out "Why me!?" I desperately want to live out my faith, I want to be a 'Paul' for this generation, but I am so easily swayed into despair when the outcome of my steps of faith are met with more harsh circumstances! I am so acutely aware of my humanity, and my frailty. Take heart today if you relate to me here, God is faithful to complete his work that he started with you at your conversion. Living out your faith is a process that takes a lifetime to accomplish! Even the great apostle Paul says in Romans 7:15-20 that he cannot do what he ought to do! But daily God is refining me, and he is refining you. Verse 16 of the text in Corinthians tells us to "not lose heart! though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." Daily, I need God's renewal. Daily, I seek His strength. My conversion was not enough to last me a lifetime of circumstances, I need constant affirmation. And that affirmation comes from God alone. My prayer is that as you read this blog today, you are encouraged and challenged. I pray that you are renewed and affirmed by the God who called you and set you with a high calling and purpose. I pray that you and I begin to learn to look at our circumstances through the lens of our eternal worth, and in doing so are renewed yet again to continue the race and live out loud our faith to our own lost generation. 

Grace and Peace to you. 

A Place Called Surrender

I got to sit and drink coffee with a dear friend today, we get together every so often and talk and she is one of those special people who is just so authentic. We got to talking about one of the very first times we had ever hung out. We remembered so vividly how we had both just recently had a baby (she had her first, and I had just had twins. My 2nd and 3rd children, respectively) we were STRUGGLING! We both battled  postpartum depression and were severely sleep deprived. I remember sitting next to each other crying about how tired and overwhelmed with motherhood we both were. I think our husbands stood in the dinning room lamenting what to do with their clearly insane wives. As we looked back and laughed about those days, we were also reminded at how good God is. I couldn't imagine being who I am today, at the point where I was then,  sobbing on the couch in the arms of another mom who felt the same way. I couldn't see past my storm and see the power that pushed my storm away, all I could see was my now. And my now said, I couldn't do it. But God has the strength to move our mountains, he has the power to calm our storms. God is the power that says, "It's okay, you don't have to do this alone." God always seems to bring me to this place, it's a place called surrender. Every trial  I've ever faced brings me down a long, often painful and confusing road to a place called surrender. The journey there is marked by effort. I start out so strong, sure and confidant. But as I continue on I'm hit from every side with opposition, and I have to throw more and more effort into the journey. Sometimes, my kids are my opposition, most of the time it's my own shortcomings that keep stalling me. As my journey moves on, I become keenly aware that I have bit off more then I can chew. Before I know it, I can't remember why I choose this road to begin with, or rather, why this road was chosen for me. But something beautiful happens at Surrender, that is the place where we say. "I can't do this!" Admitting failure is the beginning of strength.

  2 Corinthians 12:9 says "9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

God doesn't delight in our weakness, but he does delight in making weakness great. God loves to give power to the weak, he delights in rescuing his children! When I finally surrender, it is no longer my effort that leads the way, but my God begins to lead and where God leads he always clears the path. Is the road finally easy? Far, far, from it. But at the point of surrender I find that I finally know where my journey leads. When God leads, the destination is always the same, it leads me closer to being like Christ. 

Are you in a place that is hard, are you waking each day and STRIVING to push forward against what feels like a brick wall. Perhaps this is your place of Surrender. Maybe it's time to let God lead, and rest in the power that He has to do what needs to be done.....