Driving Blind

I watched a movie once where a woman was driving a car blindfolded. Her fiancé was in the back seat directing her through busy traffic, needless to say the scene didn't end well. By the end of the scene the man and his bride were angry with each other and there was a wake of destruction behind them.

As I sit here reflecting on my life these days, I'm feeling like that woman driving blindfolded. My back seat driver is my own expectations of myself, and behind me I've left a wake of destructive behaviors and attitudes, disappointments, and anxiety.

How are you feeling this afternoon? Maybe you can relate with me. Maybe you're feeling like the busyness of this life, the expectations you have, or the expectations others have for you-- have blindfolded you. Are you having a hard time seeing the road?

This morning I spent some time thinking about the people in my life who have been vulnerable enough to share their struggles with me, and I thought about my own struggles. The theme of the struggles I've heard, along with the pounding of my own heart,  is that no matter how hard I try, I am not enough.

My best efforts, are clumsy and inept at best. My inner script is punctuated with those words of disappointment. It's no wonder that I struggle with anxiety and worry.

I know that I am not alone in this, in fact, I'd venture to say that this is not a Erin problem, or a feminine problem. No, this is a human problem. It doesn't discriminate against age, sex, religion, social status or anything else. We do not measure up.

Even Paul, who many Christians argue to be one of the most zealous Christians in Church history, knows this struggle.

Paul writes in Romans 7: 14-21 that even though he longs and strives to do what is good, he still does what he doesn't want to do. There is a inner war being waged in your soul. The war between doing what is right and doing what is wrong. How do I win the war?

In my life, I tend to spend a lot of time focusing on all I did wrong. I replay my failures and shortcomings, over and over again. I think of all the ways I should have done something, all the ways I have not lived up. All that seems to do is spin me into a place of desperate hopelessness.

But what if I stopped looking at myself and start looking at the God who has already won the war.

This week, I've been reading of weakness. Specifically, how as a Christian I can have hope. Regardless of all the ways I fail, my failures show me something greater then all the success in the world.....

 I am loved by the God who is great. That love is not dependent on my abilies to earn it, or keep it.

God is sovergn and His plan for humanity is not dependant on my ability to be anything other than me.

This is Grace.

This the Power of God in me.

This gives me the hope to keep going. It gives me the supernatural ability to choose to do what is good over whatever it is that I want for me.

This takes off the blindfold.

It gives me eyes to see the road ahead over all the voices in mind telling me otherwise.

Do you want to see the road? Do you wish you knew where you are headed? Start by looking into the Grace God has for you.

Grace to fail, fall and flounder.

Grace to stand up and keep going.




Erin

Seasoned With Salt

Photo credit: out of bounds salt water reef tanks
When I was about 13, I went swimming at a local salt water canal with a neighbor friend. We took turns diving off the floating dock into the salty cool water.

On my last dive, I wanted to go as deep as I could. I jetted into the water, as straight as I could and propelled deeper and deeper into the salty blue abyss.

My elation soon turned to panic as my lungs ached for air and I realized that I was indeed, deep. In my panic, I kicked my feet hard to flip my body back towards the surface of the water. In doing so, I cut my foot deeply on the barnacle and rock covered sea bed.

 I lifted my self up onto  the dock to survey the damage to my foot. I knew that in order to get back to the house, I would have to get back into the salty water...and I knew that it would hurt. Suddenly I understood the figure of speech of "rubbing salt in someones wound".

Salt hurts, but salt heals. 

As a mom to 4 very rambunctious and thrill seeking kiddos, I have often had to clean up an endless number of scrapes, skinned knees and various boo boo's. The worst part of healing is cleaning the wound, but if you don't clean it, then it will never heal. Instead it will fester and plague you.

Oh you may heal on the outside, leaving a small understated scar, but the infection is not far off. It's sitting dormant just under the surface.

This has been my experience and since you're human too- I'm guessing it's been yours too. Life is full of wounds, from minor to deep. You and I have been wounded.

God administers the salt. 

There comes a point in your life when you have to look at your position trapped on the dock, and choose to get back in the salty water.

I don't preach this from a perspective of someone who has lived an easy carefree life, I speak it as a wounded, battle scared, woman who chose to run away from God and hide my wounds.

Let me tell you the truth my dear friends, do not hide your wounds!

I had spent many years trying my best to be strong enough, brave enough, tough enough and spiritual enough to self medicate my personal wounds. All that effort was simply covering my spiritual leprosy with makeup.

 If you were far enough away from me, then I could pass the test. But come close enough and my wounds became clear. I needed healing.

 It started as a simple cry to God, "Lord, I know dealing with this is going to hurt, but it can't be more painful then living like this." Slowly, and somewhat painfully, God began to wash my hurt. I'm not going to lie, it hurt. It came with a cost.

It was worth the pain.

The process is never ending, as long as I live I will be in constant needing of a good healthy dose of healing. Not just because I am in need of healing from wounds inflicted upon me.

It's the wounds I cause to myself.

 It's my poor attitude, my faulty choices, my inadequate relationships skills. I am a broken person, I am not seasoned to perfection. And until the day I meet my savior, I am in constant need of salt.

Where are you lacking salt?

Where are you wounded?

Maybe you've carried your hurts around like a badge, telling the world how you've been wronged.

Maybe you've tried desperately to hid them all away where no one can see them.

Or maybe your walking around your life hurting others with your actions, words, and attitudes.

 Let's stop. 

Let's take our pain to the person who's willing, ready and able to heal our pain and set us free from our wounds. 

Grace In The Midst of Heartache

GRACE IN THE MIDST OF HEARTACHE

There are those moments in life that impress in your heart and change who you are by their presence there.

One of those moments for me came at 16 years old, while visiting an orphanage in Romania.

 These children were all hungry for attention, but one child... One face in the crowd changed me forever.

 I wish I could tell you his name, I wish I could tell you something great about this boy. But there was nothing impressive about him.

His hair was cut short to keep the lice at bay.
His pants were a size too small and his shirt too big.

What stood out to me was his hunger.

Not a hunger for food, but for love.
An unspoken hunger to be called good enough, worthy, desired.
This boy was deaf, family less, and abandoned.
No other children played with him.

He sat alone. 

The Orphanage ‘Mothers’ told us that there was no hope for that boy.
Without the ability to communicate his future was clear.
 He would not be able to find work on the streets.
His statistical outcome was grim.
He would, in 8 short years, age out of the orphanage.
He would live on the streets begging for money.
He would fall into a life of crime and find himself jailed or killed.

He was 8 years old.

In Romania, boys in group homes age out at 16, he was half way to aging out of the system.
 In this boy, I saw the hopelessness of children without love.
That day I made it my personal mission to love that boy with all the love I could muster.

I think of him often.

I pray that the small seeds of love that boy had, in a lonely orphanage in Romania, meant something to him. Maybe that small mission of love somehow could change the path his life was on.

Just maybe, he saw the love of Jesus though me.

The day I met him, I went to bed sobbing. I would never see him again.
The odds and statistics tell me that his life may very well be over before I even pen these words.
That encounter happened over 14 years ago.

That experience opened my eyes to evil and injustice.
The normal experience of the abandoned children of the world.
It opened my eyes to the realization that, in this life...

 I drew the long end of the stick.

 In fact, it put a face to the millions of children whose lives have dealt them the short end of that stick.
 It caused me to start to question.
What happens as these children grow out of the system?
Historically speaking, taking care of the orphans was the job of the church.
In more recent times the church has taken a step back and the government has taken the lead.

Why?

My husband and I have always planned on fostering or adopting at some point.
 In the recent years, as we've asked questions and began relationships with parents who foster.
The question we've asked is:

 How do you handle the heartache?

And there seems to be heartache every step of the way.
How do you handle the heartache of taking in a child who has been so neglected and battered by the very parents who are now fighting to get them back?
How do you remain unbiased knowing that the end goal of fostering, in the best case scenario, is to re-place that child back into the home with the parents who hurt them to begin with?
How do you handle the heartache of parents who give up their rights with that child?
The pain of loving and sacrificing?
Of giving all you have into a child who refuses to let you into their walled off world?
The pain of bonding with a child you cannot keep?

No matter how you look at it, there will be pain and heartache.

 If a child stays with me, I will mourn that they have lost their parents.
If they move on from my home, I mourn that I lost them from my arms.
Am I willing to live a life full of mourning?
Am I willing to love a child who may never love me back?

Matthew West wrote a song that has been playing in my head for months.
It’s called Forgiveness and the words are powerful.
The chorus is what my heart echos as I ponder these questions.
I must return again to the cross and cry out:

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

Go now and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness.

There are too many children in Foster care. 

There are not enough homes and sadly a lot of the homes available are not loving homes.
For every one success story of a foster kid who made it through,
I have heard many more stories of further abuse.

 What do we do with the children no one seems to want?

I am writing this because I do not have all the answers.

 In fact, the closer I've stepped into following God’s leading the more I see how inadequate I am for the task.
 But my heart cries out...

What if that child was me?!

What if I was that lonely boy in that orphanage, who everyone had given up on?

What if I was that little girl who’s history tells her that no one will ever truly love her?

 My heart tells me to keep loving the unlovable and to keep reaching the unreachable.
To throw my fears and pain at the cross and watch and see what grace can accomplish.
 Because it’s not about you and me.
It's not about what we can or cannot do.

 It’s about love. 

It’s about following where God leads you.
It’s about trusting the God who leads you.

Another blogger wrote:

“God's ability to be good to her in a difficult environment is far greater than any good we could offer her in a comfortable one. No amount of "good" we can give her can compare with the goodness of the sovereignty of God in her life, wherever she may end up living it. There are no guarantees in foster care, except one - God is sovereign in the life of this baby girl. He is good, and He will be good to her always, no matter where she lays her head at night.”

God may not be calling you to take in an orphaned child, but God is calling you to something.
The closer you get to surrendering yourself to what God is asking you, the more you will question your ability do what He asks.
You may question how you’ll handle the pain and hardship that will surely follow the road you walk down. Friend, if you are following Jesus, He guarantees us there will be pain and heartache.

My prayer for you is that you find strength to surrender your plans to God.
There is grace at the foot of the cross.
Step forward knowing there is never a ‘right time'.

The right time is the moment God calls you.

Is He calling you?
Have you reached the point in your struggle with God’s calling that it is actually more painful to keep holding His plans for you are arms distance then it would be to simply fall at His cross and surrender?
We have to take that step of faith and accept the road of suffering in our lives.
There is a freedom that comes when you quit struggling to keep God at bay in your life.

God is relentless.

 He will never quit asking you to trust Him more, and surrender yourself to Him more.

But God is also loving.

 He never calls us to do something that He has not already agreed to equip us for.

Judged With Grace

We Christians love to talk about Jesus. We love that He loves us, we speak of all the nice stories of how Jesus demonstrated His love, healed the sick and down-and-out, and fed the hungry. Even non- Christians really don't have much to say against Jesus. He was a great teacher, a good prophet, a noble character, even if they do not believe this character actually existed. But it seems to me, that we have a big issue with God. Jesus we get, but God? He intimidates us. Last summer I was asked to explain how a Great, Loving God, could do the things that God did in the Old Testament. How do you reconcile a loving God (Jesus), to a God who would wipe out entire nations and smite entire groups of people in one angry breath. How can you trust a God who is constantly threatening to smite you? I could not answer that question, in fact, I had never even tried. I didn't spend a lot of time looking at the God of the old testament, I was pretty happy to just keep looking at Jesus. I didn't answer the question when it was asked of me, but I hid the question away in my heart. Every so often I would look at it, turning it around in my hearts mind, and perplexed- put it back away even more confused then I began. Honestly, I couldn't piece it back together, I couldn't explain and rationalize the anger of God. 

This year, has been a year of questions; a year of asking hard questions and looking deep into why I believe the things that profess to believe. As I began to look deeper into who God is, I actually began to see, more clearly, who I am. You see, on the surface, I knew that I needed a savior. I knew that I was lost without the salvation of God. But I didn't really understand my own fallen nature. Although I professed with my mouth my dependence on God, deep somewhere inside I still was resting in the knowledge that I am a 'good person'. And from the standard of this world, I am. Heck, I could say that I even "beat the odds" I'm successful despite my history! God would never look at me and be able to justify smiting me, I'm a CHRISTIAN. With this mindset, I began to read more and more of the not so nice stories of the Bible. As I read, I put myself in the position of the accused, the wayward Israel. I was particularly struck by the words in Jeremiah. God speaks to Jeremiah and likens Israel to an adulterous woman. I began to see the heart of God, God was not yelling and cursing and smiting nations like an abusive father, or militant dictator. He was pleading with his lover to simply come home to the arms of her groom! We have been called the bride of Christ, this title is not given by Paul out of a convenience, to be used as an analogy to make us feel loved by Jesus. This has been the design for all eternity! When Israel turned their backs on God, they were turning their back on their groom. The 10 commandments were not a legal document created to keep us in God's good graces. They were a marriage covenant between a God and His people. And his people, you and I, we are unfaithful. God doesn't run after naughty nations in order to punish them for disobedience, he runs after them to save them, and restore them back into this relationship! He practically BEGS them to return home to his arms, and return to the marriage covenant, and he will forget that they were ever apart! 

Jeremiah 3: 12-13

Go proclaim these words towards the north and say:

 Return, faithless Israel, 

declares the Lord.

I will not look on you in anger,

    for I am merciful,

declares the Lord;

I will not be angry forever.

13 

Only acknowledge your guilt,

    that you rebelled against the Lord your God

and scattered your favors among foreigners under every green tree,

    and that you have not obeyed my voice,

declares the Lord.

When I began to change my understanding how God was speaking, as a husband to his wayward wife, rather then as a angry dictator to a rebellious nation: the tone of the Old Testament God changed dramatically. In fact my view of Jesus began to change too, as I realized my inability to keep God's covenant, I became even more acutely aware that I needed Jesus. The gift of his sacrifice on the cross becomes sweeter the more I understand my need. The stories of nations who were wiped out by a just God, motivated by preserving his bride, make more and more sense. His destruction of ungodly and wicked nations have less to do with his anger at being disobeyed and more do to with his undeniable passion for saving his bride from the influence and moral destruction of nations who further degrade and ruin her integrity. 

I could go on and bring to mind many more instances of God's great mercy for his people in the Old Testament, of His pleading with her to return, of His rescuing of the few God fearing men and woman who would have otherwise perished in God's justified wrath of their sinful perverted nations... But I would rather leave you with a challenge: What is your view of God. Is he a big, angry dictator watching and waiting to smite you down? Do you feel like you are always dangling on the edge of salvation? Perhaps, like me, you don't know who God is because you've never really looked at Him. Maybe you've spent a lot of time thinking about Jesus, and God just doesn't seem to fit in your mind. Will you do something? Will you hide the question away in your heart? Will you think about it, turn it over in your mind, ask questions, and ask God who he is? 

I would love to hear from you! If you take this challenge and start your search, let me know. If you've gone on this journey and come out on the other side what did you learn about God and about yourself. Leave a note in the comments section below and let your experience be an encouragement to someone else. 

Grace For Christmas

Peppermint candies, fudge, sparkling trinkets and gleaming lights. To say that I love the Christmas season, may be an understatement! December is my favorite month, although we've had more years of want, then years of plenty, we've always managed to make memories and Christmas is always a special time for our family. This year, we gave our still young kids money to spend on gifts for each other, they took their mission as 'mini Santas' very seriously. Through malls, and stores, outlets and markets my children searched and searched for the perfect gifts for their sisters, brother, and daddy. Watching them shop and plan this year has given me such joy and new perspective on Christmas. In the years prior, I had done all the shopping myself, it was faster and easier.

Christmas with kids is a usually busy and exciting time, but sadly it can quickly become all about "what  I can get" and less about the love and joy and remembrance of Christ's coming. Can you celebrate Christmas with trees and gifts and still glorify God in all you give and do? How do the gifts we give reflect Christ? How, as a parent, can we enjoy the mystery and wonder of Christmas while still instilling the true meaning of the season to our kids? These are the things I ponder this year as I watch my kids make lists and talk with Santa, decorate cookies and drink hot cocoa from frosty the snowman mugs.

"Mommy?" a sweet voice breaks through the noise in my head, "I love Christmas!" What joy fills my heart when I see my kids thoroughly enjoying something I love, and I can't help but think how God feels when he sees his kids enjoying what He loves.

As I walked one of my daughters through a crowded mall, weaving in and out of packed isles filled with new toys, I watched her search for that perfect gift for her sister. She would pickup, shake, turn and contemplate each item, and place it back on the shelf. "Nope, this ones to.....shiny." and move 2 feet further down the isle.

 Matthew 7:11

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him."

God gave us a Savior for Christmas. He spent all creation, and time before it, planing and picking just the right way to bless his children. In that moment in the store, I could almost see he him planning it, before creation was even formed, the clay on Adam wasn't even dry yet. But he looked over his creations that he would make and already loved it so! Knowing full well that we wouldn't measure up. Just as I know full well that today will bring children who will not be perfect, they will yell, fight, be stubborn and needy, and yet I love them so, and I eagerly wait for them to open the perfect gifts that were so laboriously picked for them. I, who am so utterly imperfect, sure know how to make the holidays a fun and memorable time for my kids to enjoy. How much more so does my father in heaven, who is perfect and good, give us great gifts.

We tell our children that Christmas is the time when we celebrate Jesus's birthday, it's a party that we throw for him every year. This year my oldest, she's 7, asked me a valid question: "Mom. If Christmas is Jesus's birthday. Then why do WE get gifts?" Her innocent question took me by surprise, should I tell her it's because I like gifts? Or because we are an egocentric, selfish society that is consumed by commercialism.....? Somehow, that didn't fit either. "Well......" I began, praying that I would give a good answer... "You know how, when you go to a birthday party, you sometimes will get a little goodie bag for coming to the party? The gifts we open on Christmas are the party favors for Jesus's birthday." She was satisfied with my answer and bounded away to play. I was not, and I began to think. What gifts do we give God during this time of year that all too often feels so busy? We picked out the perfect things for little Billy and Aunt Betty and the grandparents are getting sweet pictures of the children posed in front of a giant glittering tree..... but what did we bring Jesus? As I pondered, and thought, feeling like my answer wasn't enough, I was reminded of the old song "We bring a sacrifice of praise."

We bring the sacrifice of praise

 Into the house of the Lord 

We bring the sacrifice of praise

 Into the house of the Lord and 

We offer up to you

 The sacrifices of thanksgiving 

 We offer up to you 

The sacrifices of joy

Suddenly I realized that all I do on Christmas, be it the magic of Santa, silly surprises, hot cocoa and cookies, crafts, trees, gifts and carols mean everything or nothing, depending on this: Am I bringing God praises this season? Is my life and gifts, and activity this season marked with the sacrifices of praise to God? Singing Christmas songs isn't enough, they are not a gift that is worthy enough of the king who was born! I want to be like the wise men who traveled years just to bring Jesus three meaningful gifts and to worship at the cradle of the newborn king. Or like Simeon, who waiting his whole life to worship the Messiah and as he held a wiggly tiny Jesus in his old and weathered hands, he worshiped the young king of the Jews.

So this Christmas season, I challenge you to give gifts not out of obligation or festivity,  but out of the grace that God has given YOU the best gift of all. The gift of salvation. And I challenge you to bring your gifts to God this year by being consumed not by parties and festivities and planning and shopping, but let your heart be filled with praises of thanksgiving and joy that you and me, although we will mess up and struggle and learn in this life, God our father loves us greater then we love our own children and is not put off by our childish ways, but finds joy in our process of learning. That, in itself, makes me fill with gratitude and joy that as I imperfectly love my own kids, God's love for me is perfect.

BLESSINGS and JOY and PEACE to you in want or in plenty this year, you have the gift that cannot be bought.

Erin

The Grace of the Martyrs

I wrote a few days ago about the grace of courage, and how God equips us for every work he plans for us to accomplish in this life, and this knowledge is what gives us the grace of courage to stand strong when God asks us walk down a road marked with suffering or pain. Today I want to continue the thought with another secret of the great men and woman of faith who walked before us. 

A Martyr doesn't view their eternity through the eyes of their present suffering,

 But rather, they view their present suffering through the eyes of their eternal worth.

 2 Cor 4: 16-18

 " So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Do you think the great men and woman of faith ever knew what impact they would have on generations to come? Do you think Paul ever sat in prison thinking about how far his message of the Gospel of Christ would go? There was no way that he could have foreseen that generations and generations of Christians would quote his very words as they sat in their own prison cells for likewise proclaiming God's truths to their own lost generations. I guess I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about influence, thinking about the cost of following Christ. In particular, I've been thinking about how I will respond when, inevitably, I am asked to follow Christ when the cost is myself, my well-being or my family. Yesterday, I spent a bit of time listening to old sermons by John Piper, as I listened to his sermon Called to Suffer and Rejoice: For an Eternal Weight of Glory, I was encouraged in my quest to follow Christ. Paul, in 2nd Corinthians 4, gives us the secret to enduring our Christian life. The secret to fighting the good fight is to be renewed day by day, a renewal that comes from looking at not what we see but what is unseen. This is the secret of the martyr, this is the way that great men and woman of faith can stand in the midst of great suffering and persecution for their faith and be unshaken. They see something that the rest of us, when life is easy, we all to often miss. They are looking at the unseen. Verse 18 tells us how we can live our life giving up every comfort and easy way and strive for the cross of Christ. By looking at what we cannot see. It's doesn't make sense, to look at what we can't see. How can we see it?? It's not VISIBLE! Our life is what is seen! The cancer, is seen. The broken marriage, the sick parent or sick child, my empty bank account..... I can clearly see these things! But Paul says,  all the pain of this life is LIGHT, when compared in weight to the GLORY that awaits us! If anyone has the right to tell us this, it's Paul. Paul, who endured lashings that left his bones exposed. Paul, who spent most of his ministry imprisoned, or shipwrecked, or being run out of town by angry mobs. If anyone has suffered for his ministry, Paul has. And Paul, he knows what he's saying when he tells us this. He's telling us that when we choose to follow Christ, if we are serious in our attempts to live out loud our faith and dependence on Christ, then pain is inevitable. We will be hated. 1 Corinthians 1:18 "The cross is such foolishness to the perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God." The world will not understand us, speak anyways. They will ridicule you, speak anyway. You will be passed over for that job, live your faith anyways. If you share your money with someone who needs it you will have less, give anyways. All the while do not look at your empty bank account, look at the endless funds of your maker. Do not look at the sickness in your body, look at the health you will have for eternity. Do not look at your empty stomachs, your cancer ridden bodies, your painful experiences. Do not be TRICKED by the outward appearance of your need, look to your savior who has already conquered the battle you fight, which is unseen. Your eternal worth is unseen, but it is no less real. In fact, it's even MORE real then what you see around you! What you see and feel around you is counterfeit by comparison to what is unseen. And when you look at what your circumstances are by seeing them through the rose colored glasses of the eternal, they are far less intimidating. This is the secret of the Martyr. A Martyr doesn't view their eternity through the eyes of their present suffering, but rather they view their present suffering through the eyes of their eternity.

As I listened to John Piper discuss these truths, my heart stirred. I was encouraged, and I was also challenged. I am quick to lose hope, I am quick to see my circumstances and cry out "Why me!?" I desperately want to live out my faith, I want to be a 'Paul' for this generation, but I am so easily swayed into despair when the outcome of my steps of faith are met with more harsh circumstances! I am so acutely aware of my humanity, and my frailty. Take heart today if you relate to me here, God is faithful to complete his work that he started with you at your conversion. Living out your faith is a process that takes a lifetime to accomplish! Even the great apostle Paul says in Romans 7:15-20 that he cannot do what he ought to do! But daily God is refining me, and he is refining you. Verse 16 of the text in Corinthians tells us to "not lose heart! though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." Daily, I need God's renewal. Daily, I seek His strength. My conversion was not enough to last me a lifetime of circumstances, I need constant affirmation. And that affirmation comes from God alone. My prayer is that as you read this blog today, you are encouraged and challenged. I pray that you are renewed and affirmed by the God who called you and set you with a high calling and purpose. I pray that you and I begin to learn to look at our circumstances through the lens of our eternal worth, and in doing so are renewed yet again to continue the race and live out loud our faith to our own lost generation. 

Grace and Peace to you. 

The Grace of Courage

This past weekend I took my oldest to the Emergency Room. She was dehydrated and suffering from high fevers and body pains, the doctor told her she needed a IV placed so she could get fluids. My daughter did not take the news well. My 7 year old princess, became a wounded warrior. She sobbed into my chest and begged to be sent home. The nurse, brought her in a stuffed animal and promises of Popsicles for exchange for her bravery. I took my baby in my lap and prayed over her, I reminded her that God loves her, and that He promises to be with us and that He will never ask us to do anything that He has not already equipped us to do. I prayed that God's peace would come over my daughter as she cried in my arms. As the moment of truth came to fruition, and my daughter wept and shook as the nurses held her tiny arm and talked her through the process, my baby looked at me with sad blue eyes and whispered, "Mommy. I can't be brave. I just can't be brave. I'm to scared." 

As I watched my daughter go through a very real fearful situation, I couldn't help but think of times in my life when I've prayed the same prayer to God. "Lord, I'm trying to be brave. But I just can't! I'm just too scared!"

I've often read of the great men and women in the Bible who did tremendously brave things for the sake of the Gospel, or in the name of God. I think of David and his battle with the giant, Daniel and his night with the lions, Rahab and her helping the spies to destroy Jericho, Ruth, Esther, the Apostle Paul...So many men and women that God used to do incredible things at great cost to their own safety. I read these passages and I think to myself, could I ever be that brave?

When my daughter told me "Mommy, I can't be brave..." I looked right at her and said the very thing God says to us. "That's okay Baby. You don't need to be brave, you just need to trust that God will get you through this." I think God echoes this same answer when we tell him our fears, when we cry out that were trying but we just can't be brave anymore. You see Webster defines Brave as ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage, endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear. 
But God defines bravery as a dependence on Him, and an understanding of where our courage comes from. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power. And 2 Corinthians 12:9 that God's grace is sufficient for us in our weakness.  

Sunday Morning, our adult Sunday School class was talking about martyrs, and the same resounding answer came from all of us. "How could I ever be that brave?" As we continued to talk about Martyrdom, and the promise of persecution that Jesus and Paul so frequently spoke of to us as we follow Christ, what struck me was the fact that these men and women of faith did not suddenly wake up one day and die for the sake of Christ, but that they had a journey with Christ that led to their eventual death. The life that they lived with their savior was one that proved to them that they could endure, because they had confidence in the God they served. He may not rescue them from their present suffering, but He would never lead them down a road that He had not already equipped them to endure. They didn't have to be brave, they just need to know the God that is in control. 

So how did the great Martyrs through the ages cultivate such a relationship with God, what did they grasp about the person of God that allowed them to remain pillars of faith in the midst of such great suffering? I think that they truly understood the kingdom purpose behind will of God. They didn't seem to ask many "why me?" questions, they just seemed to know that their life was about more then themselves. That's where the grace of courage is born. If you are a Christian then you are called apart from the world, Isaiah 43 tells that we can have courage because God has called us by name. And if God has called you apart by name, then don't you think that he had a reason to do so? You are not invited into the family of God in order to meet a heavenly quota based on your abilities, personalities or rugged good looks. You are called, with a job to do. And that job is one thing, further the kingdom of God. It's mind blowing when you sit with that for a minute, YOU are important, scratch that, VITAL to the ultimate purpose and plan of God to see mankind brought back into fellowship with Himself. He choose you with this very job in mind. I think that is the secret of the Martyr, they knew this, and because they grasped this truth. When God led them down roads that lead through suffering, loss and death, they were not shaken. For they understood that their life will not be lived in vain, but that the God who starts a good work will be faithful to complete it! (Philippians 1:6)

So my challenge to you today, is to think about this, you are created with a purpose. You are vital to the work God is doing in His great story of redemption. What if God called you to be courageous, even unto death? Are you confidant in the God who called you? If not, then like my daughter who cried that she can't be brave, it's okay to cry out to God and share your fears. God loves to show His faithfulness to his chosen people. 

Rest in the Grace of Courage that God has for you today. 

Grace for the Broken

Grace for the Broken

I've been thinking about sin, more specifically, how we as Christ Followers are supposed to react to the sinful nature of our fellow Christians? How do we, as a Church, treat our fellow sinners? What does God ask of us? And how do we add up? I'm sure you've seen a well-meaning Christian, call out a fellow believer in their sin. Perhaps, like me, you been the one dolling out the judgment and condemnation in the name of sanctification. Perhaps, like me, you've justified your actions with saying that you’re just “looking out for them.” Or even that it’s your job as a Christian to point out the sins of your brothers and sisters in Christ? Or perhaps, you've been on the receiving end of a thorough condemnation.

As I've begin to study what the Bible teaches about rebuke, I am struck by how we, as Christ followers, are often leaving out some very important steps in Biblical rebuke. In those moments where I have rebuked unfairly, or in the devastating times where I have received or witnessed a harsh condemning rebuke; something has always been missing. In fact, I can count on a single hand the rebukes that I have received that lead to fruits of repentance, most have led to shame, embarrassment and seclusion. Most of the time we tend to give a lot of advice and condemnation, and rarely address the heart condition that lead to the sin, nor do we use the word of God to lead and teach a way out of the sin. 

 Sin is a symptom, and God is the great healer of the core disease.

Proverb 29:6 Describes sin as a snare, or a trap. Think about this for a second, you have a friend and this friend has been dealing with a really struggling time, after a few years of this you start to notice that this friend has developed a shackle on their leg. “Friend!” you say, “What is this shackle on your leg? How did it get there!? You need to take that off…..” you continue. “Friend, I love you, but I cannot continue to see you if you continue to carry this chain.” Then you leave, you offer no key to unlock it, nor do you stay and help your friend figure out how the shackle got there in the first place. You simply state the obvious, shame them for it and go on your merry way. I’m sure you see the ridiculousness of this kind of response. But how many times have you seen it echoed in a rebuke from Christian to Christian?

Look as this scenario: You have a friend, this friend has shared a bit with you over the years of her broken marriage, or wayward children, perhaps her sister or father passed away and she’s not “gotten over it.” You've noticed that she’s been a bit more sullen then normal and you start to feel concerned for her. So you pray for her and you start to feel that you should talk to her so you invite her for coffee. As you sit and chat, she mentions that she’s needs to refill her pain meds, and you notice that she smells of cigarette smoke. That’s funny, she never used to smell of smoke. Perhaps she laughs about the parties she’s been going to where she’s been drinking and chatting up some male colleges of hers, even though she is still married to her husband. Suddenly, you see it…. This woman is sinning, she walking the thin and treacherous road of the grey zone. You gather the courage to face her and tell her that you are concerned about her, you don’t like what she’s told you about the parties and she can’t quite point down why she needs those pills. So you tell her something like this. “Friend! You’re drinking and smoking and spending time with other men rather than your husband! That’s not ok, you shouldn't do that! You need to stop doing that!.” You watch as her face flushes and her guard raises, “I love you, but I can’t be around you until you stop. I’ll pray for you.” And with that you give her and awkward hug and walk away. Behind you is a lost opportunity. Like the person in the first story, you have failed to give your struggling friend the key, and left her just as trapped as she started.

But what if, instead of shaming her for her sin, you instead spoke the truth of the gospel over her. What if you spoke of how God has restored and redeemed your relationships, how he has been faithful to rescue you of your sins, of which you saw no way out. Perhaps, you could have taken the time to speak the truth of who she is in the eyes of Christ. That she has been made new! That God has given her a spirit of power and strength to overcome!  How God has not left her alone to fight her own battles but that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob has come with power and has given her the Holy Spirit to change her and that God desires to heal her brokenness if only she’d allow him! You see the Bible teaches us what the key to unlocking the chains of sin is, it is the Truth of the Gospel.

2 Tim 3:16 “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,”

Heb 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Gal 6:1 “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted”

2 Tim: 2 “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching”

It is quite clear in scripture that we who are spiritually sound should rebuke our brothers and sisters, but it is equally clear as to how that should be done, in the spirit of gentleness, by the word of God, and with complete patience and in teaching.

My challenge to you and me today is to remember the grace that God has given us. When God called us he didn't shame us and point to our sins, we most likely were well aware of our sins. No, when God called me, he did so by offering me a way out. Total dependence on Jesus Christ. He called me by offering me freedom, the freedom that comes from allowing God to call the shots in my life. If I am to look at my fellow Christian and point them away from sin, then I must point them to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And I will do so with the same grace and compassion that God extends to me.

A Place Called Surrender

I got to sit and drink coffee with a dear friend today, we get together every so often and talk and she is one of those special people who is just so authentic. We got to talking about one of the very first times we had ever hung out. We remembered so vividly how we had both just recently had a baby (she had her first, and I had just had twins. My 2nd and 3rd children, respectively) we were STRUGGLING! We both battled  postpartum depression and were severely sleep deprived. I remember sitting next to each other crying about how tired and overwhelmed with motherhood we both were. I think our husbands stood in the dinning room lamenting what to do with their clearly insane wives. As we looked back and laughed about those days, we were also reminded at how good God is. I couldn't imagine being who I am today, at the point where I was then,  sobbing on the couch in the arms of another mom who felt the same way. I couldn't see past my storm and see the power that pushed my storm away, all I could see was my now. And my now said, I couldn't do it. But God has the strength to move our mountains, he has the power to calm our storms. God is the power that says, "It's okay, you don't have to do this alone." God always seems to bring me to this place, it's a place called surrender. Every trial  I've ever faced brings me down a long, often painful and confusing road to a place called surrender. The journey there is marked by effort. I start out so strong, sure and confidant. But as I continue on I'm hit from every side with opposition, and I have to throw more and more effort into the journey. Sometimes, my kids are my opposition, most of the time it's my own shortcomings that keep stalling me. As my journey moves on, I become keenly aware that I have bit off more then I can chew. Before I know it, I can't remember why I choose this road to begin with, or rather, why this road was chosen for me. But something beautiful happens at Surrender, that is the place where we say. "I can't do this!" Admitting failure is the beginning of strength.

  2 Corinthians 12:9 says "9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

God doesn't delight in our weakness, but he does delight in making weakness great. God loves to give power to the weak, he delights in rescuing his children! When I finally surrender, it is no longer my effort that leads the way, but my God begins to lead and where God leads he always clears the path. Is the road finally easy? Far, far, from it. But at the point of surrender I find that I finally know where my journey leads. When God leads, the destination is always the same, it leads me closer to being like Christ. 

Are you in a place that is hard, are you waking each day and STRIVING to push forward against what feels like a brick wall. Perhaps this is your place of Surrender. Maybe it's time to let God lead, and rest in the power that He has to do what needs to be done.....